|Season 1, Episode 16|
|Air date||May 21, 2000|
|Written by||Maggie Bandur & Pang-Ni Landrum|
|Directed by||Ken Kwapis|
Malcolm and Reese spend the day fighting at a water park; Francis gets into a different kind of pool math with Spangler; and Dewey stays home with an odd babysiter.
Lois is prepping Hal for a family trip to the water park and unfortunately Dewey can't go because of an ear infection. He's upset about it, while Lois tries to console him and soon mentions that he needs to stop sticking dirty things in his ears. Unfortunately the Wilkersons have a hard time hiring a babysitter for Dewey, due to Malcolm and Reese's countless misbehaving themselves towards their previous babysitters. They eventually manage to hire a stern babysitter named Mrs. White(Beatrice Arthur) and the family is off to the water park.
At Marlin Academy, Spangler is gloating after winning against Francis in a game of pool. However, he soon gets suspicious when he learns that his most rebellious student has been plotting something. Spangler finds out from the local police that Francis has been out at local bars hustling, and is upset that he has been letting him win. He insists that Francis play his best game of pool against him, while his fellow cadets tell him he has to lose so Spangler doesn't get upset. Because if Francis wins, the cadets are going to torture him with hours of educational programing on PBS. They end up in a battle as to who can play a more spectacularly bad game of pool, pulling trick shots to scratch on the eight-ball. Spangler loses, but the cadets end up not caring at the end.
At the water park, Lois and Hal are trying to enjoy a "tropical" vacation, while Malcolm and Reese are at war. Soon they ruin their parents' tropical vacation with their fighting and Lois soon yells at them at the top of the Liquidator water slide. As she continues to yell, Malcolm looks at Reese and encourages him to push her down the slide. He tries to refuse and Lois comes to suspect something is wrong. Sure enough Malcolm pushes her down the slide and Reese tells him that was the bravest thing that he's seen him do. However, Lois whom somehow manages to hold on to something, grabs both the boys and they slide down the water slide together. As she continues yelling at Malcolm and Reese, Lois tells them "This is the last time, I'm taking you boys anywhere." They come out of the slide splashing Hal and everyone else.
At the house, Dewey bonds with Mrs. White and they start enjoying many activities together. After they dance around the kitchen, she has to be taken away in an ambulance, and he goes chasing after a red balloon being carried by the wind and winds up being in lost in a Chinatown. Soon he follows a paper bag being carried by the wind.
- Lois (to Malcolm & Reese): Do you think we're wealthy?! Wealthy people drive fancy cars. They have fresh pasta. Do we do any of those things?! NO! Wealthy people can afford any of their vacations ruined, no big deal. They just pick up and go again. Your father and I worked so hard, so long. What IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?! ARE YOU ABORIGINES?! Every time I turn around, I hear someone screaming and fighting. And I pray to God that's someone else's children, but it's not, it's always you! Sane children would appreciate this. Are you even thinking? No, you're always at each other like a couple of rabid monkeys. It is not enough you two do this every day, but you have to make me suffer. Well, help me....
- [Comes to the realization that Reese and Malcolm are up to something.]
- Lois: Don't you dare!
- [Malcolm pushes Lois down the slide by the finger and she screams.]
- Attendant: Arms and legs crossed at all times.
- Reese: That's the bravest thing I've ever seen you do.
- Malcolm: Yeah.
- Reese: You're gonna die.
- Malcolm: I know. So, you think Mom's going to be okay?
- [Lois pulls the two of them down the slide as well]
- Dewey: (sobbing) Why can't I go?
- Lois: Dewey, we've discussed this. You have to stay home because of your ear infection.
- Dewey: I never get to go.
- Lois: Honey, I know it seems like a pattern. It's just this... and Disneyland... oh, and that chocolate factory tour. Maybe it's time you stop sticking dirty things in your ears.
- Reese: Hey, Dewey. How's the ear?
- [He puts his finger in his mouth and sticks it in Dewey's ear.]
- Lois: (slaps Reese) Stop teasing him, Reese! You know, if your father doesn't find a babysitter, nobody is going anywhere and let's see who's crying then
- Hal: (on the phone with potential babysitters) Oh no, no, no. It's just the little one the other two won't be anywhere near you.
- Malcolm Ever since I can remember, we've always had trouble with baby-sitters.
- Baby-sitter A: [cooing] Hello! Goochy, goochy, goochy, goo. Goochy, goochy— [screams as her finger is bitten]
- Baby-sitter B: I don't know, sweetie; what do you have behind your back? [screams, running from the house]
- Baby-sitter C [a man is locked in the closet by Malcolm and Reese]: You little losers, I've had enough of this! You open this door right now! Look, I'm a little claustrophobic, okay? Just open the door! Let me out! Come on!
- [back to the present]
- Malcolm: I don't know. I'm starting to think it might be us.
- Reese (to Malcolm): Hey there, girly. Let me adjust your bra strap. (grabs his nose plug and smacks him) Now, we're even.
- This episode originally had a darker ending involving Mrs. White kidnapping Dewey and heading down south of the border to Mexico. She dyes his hair black and renames him, "Pepe".
- First appearances of Cadets Joe and Eric.
- It's also been revealed that many babysitters refuses to take care of the boys whenever their parents go away due to their misbehavior.
- The song that plays during Francis and Spangler's final game of pool is "Mixed Bizness" by Beck.
- Dewey is the only one of the boys that got along with his babysitter. This would be repeated in the episode Convention.
- The water park the Wilkersons are at is Wild Rivers Water Park, located in Irvine, California (As of September, 2011, Wild Rivers closed as a result of an expired lease with The Irvine Company, but is scheduled to open a new, larger park in Temecula, California in May 2014).
- In the next episode, it is revealed that Lois, Hal, Malcom and Reese are permanently expelled from the Water Park for rule violations (sneaking alcohol and fighting).
- In one scene where Spangler and Francis are playing pool, Spangler is seen with his eyepatch over his left eye and his right eye intact. Usually, it's the other way around.
- In the shot where Malcolm comes up behind Reese to pants him, April is seen looking directly at them at the end of the shot. In the next shot, when Malcolm does pants him, it starts with April looking away and not looking back until she Malcolm's pantsing of Reese gains her attention.