The Marriage Bed is an opera play written by Dewey Wilkerson in the episode Dewey's Opera. The Marriage Bed is based off of Lois and Hal's arguments over a mattress. The characters in the play are played by The Buseys and are all portrayals of members of The Wilkerson Family with the names replaced. For instance: Lois becomes Glacienda and Hal become Don Argento.


First SongEdit

Hal (Speaking): What should I do when I know that you looked me in the face
Hal (Singing): And ...
You lied?
Lois: Don't be hysterical.
You always get hysterical.
Hal: It's called having feelings. You should know.
You're an expert at faking them.
At least mine are real.
Lois: Hal, don't make a thing out of this.
Hal: What should a man do
when he knows
that he'll never be happy again?
Sing a song?
Lois: Just get a grip, Hal. Don't overreact.
Hal: Overreact? I feel horrible!
I feel lousy!
Hal: I'm having a stroke.
Hal (Speaking): Seriously, Lois.
Hal (Singing): It feels just like one.
Hal's Backup Singers: We think it's one too.
We're sure it's one too.
Lois: It's a panic attack
like that time in the laundromat.
Breathe into a pillow.
Lois' Backup Singers: Good idea.
Hal's Backup Singers: A pillow?
How cruel! How callous!
Poor Hal!
Lois' Backup Singers: This "stroke" is the worst case of emotional blackmail she's ever seen!
Lois: And ...
I've seen plenty!
Hal's Backup Singers: Call 911!
Hal: Tell them a blood vessel just burst in my brain
just halfway between my neck and my nose.
That's only if you care.
If not, feel free to sit by while I die and watch Leno!
Lois' Backup Singers: Blackmail!
Hal's Backup Singers: Stroke!
Lois' Backup Singers: Blackmail!
Hal's Backup Singers: Stroke!
Lois' Backup Singers: What a big baby!
All: What a giant stroke!

Buseys RehearsalEdit

Zoe: Are you coming back to bed
or should I just order a crib for you?
Hanson: I'm not coming back.
I don't like to be where I'm not wanted,
especially if it's on a big giant bed.
Zoe: You've been on the couch for four days.
Hanson: I can hold out as long as you can.
Zoe: I have nothing to apologize for.
Hanson: Why would you?
I bet they were the best four days of your life!

Final SongEdit

Hal: Lois ...
Don't be embarrassed.
I know everything about you.
I know when you think you're alone
you have to check if your ears have grown
every day before you go to work.
You know how I panic when I see a monkey.
I've seen you take pizza from the garbage and eat it.
I know all of you.
You know all of me,
but it's only us, my love
No one else knows.
No one else
No one else
No one else.

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