|Season 7, Episode 16|
Reese finally has a date with a normal girl at his school named Cindy and completely overthinks what to do about it.
Reese is asked out on a date by a girl named Cindy. He is at his house, getting ready for her to come over. However, when Cindy arrives he finds out Cindy was actually a pig and the entire date was just a practical joke pulled by four other girls from the school. Reese is left devastated, Lois sees this as well and is appalled. Lois goes to the principal of the school the next day and explains the situation, but the principal finds it all to be amusing and glad Reese was blindsided. Lois threatens to call the superintendent but the principal is on board with it, much to her anger. She leaves the office and sees one of the girls hang up a poster with Reese and Cindy on it, furthering Reese's humiliation, Lois has decided this is the last straw. That night Lois is full of blinding rage while chopping celery and explaining the situation to Hal. Hal agrees that it seems unethical and informs Lois she actually got chunks of the cutting board in the salad. Hal thinks it'll blow over and Reese will forget it, Reese is then heard sobbing hysterically. Lois asks if Hal is trying to calm her down and if he has a problem she would love to hear it. Hal then regrets saying teenagers get like that sometimes and terrified of Lois' fury pushes off a phony excuse that he is fixing the bathroom cabinet out in the garage and that it needs a second gluing and retreating to the garage further stating loudly that he will be there for Lois when she needs him and he is her rock. Grabbing a magazine and lounging in a recliner he states although physically she is in the kitchen and he's in the garage he's there.
Lois then proceeds to interrogate Reese on who humiliated him by showing him a yearbook and nodding when she points to one. He nods after Lois knows the identity of the first one, a cheerleader named Kristin Peterson who has long beautiful hair and rides a motorized scooter to school. Lois spies in her from nearby and gets an idea. Dewey attempts to console Reese with a humiliating story about a student named Rick Jensen who who had an accident with beef stew and lemonade, Reese surprisingly doesn't find it amusing at all, Dewey then proceeds to show Reese his ant farm knowing all their names and loving them all before handing him a canister of ant killer. Reese is uninterested in that as well, so Dewey states he should get back to bed, Reese only thinks Rick's mother was unable to get his pants clean.
Meanwhile, Hal takes up a new hobby by hitting a soda can with a 2X4 and pretends he is his own baseball announcers and team. He eventually builds a baseball pitching machine out of nothing but things from the garage. Malcolm comes home from school and Lois asks him about his day, he states everything was normal except for an incident that morning when Kristin tries to take off her scooter helmet she finds it full of gum. Malcolm states the janitor had to cut off all of her hair with a hedge trimmer. Lois then sets a new target from a girl named Diane who owns a wide variety of dolls, Lois overhears her state Kristin couldn't stop sobbing and boyfriend Dylan had dumped her due to her now baldness. Hal continues with his baseball fantasy and prepares to hit some balls but the pitching machine only rolls the balls off instead of firing them like Hal imagined, he then gets some tubing to improve the machine and attaches jumper cables to a more powerful part. Hal winds up to take a shot but the pitching machine fires balls so intense that they rocket off the machine and go right through the garage door, Hal is shocked claiming that could've killed him, before another ball nearly kills him.
At the school the next day Malcolm runs into Lois and asks what she is doing there, she states she is helping Reese so he can catch up on his schoolwork, Malcolm states he hopes she rented a truck, Lois then reiterates that people keep finding his brother's pain funny and they should start thinking twice. Just then Diane opens her locker and the heads of all her dolls roll out drawn on, punctured, stapled and having parts removed, both Malcolm and Diane are shocked and she asks who did this, she then finds the heads of her two favorite dolls have been butchered. She then breaks down to tears, Malcolm turns around and realizes Lois is torturing the girls who messed with Reese, but to his dismay his mother has gone. Back at the house, Malcolm returns home and finds his mother in the kitchen and claims she left so suddenly they didn't get to talk about what happened to Diane. Lois asks if she was crying, Malcolm says Diane had to be wrapped in a blanket and carried to the school nurses office. Lois states she doesn't know what he's talking about, Malcolm isn't convinced and thinks what she's doing is unethical. Lois says that he and his brothers can make themselves Sloppy Joe's when they're hungry, she then says shes got some "errands to run", Malcolm knows she is lying, Lois lies she has to take back an overdue library book and pick up milk and cereal for the morning before going into the bathroom, Malcolm continues to question her and asks if she felt good cutting through Elmo's neck. After no response is heard he opens the door to discover she has climbed out the window and drove away to get vengeance on her third target. Malcolm runs to Hal and tells him what is going on, when Hal hears he is surprised and wonders if this is true, but then argues when Lois gets like this what they need is caution and prudence. Malcolm is outraged that his father refuses to help him, he claims to stop Lois himself while Hal plays his ridiculous little game. Hal brushes this off and goes back to announce the delay was a fan on the field.
Lois arrives at target number three Heidi Kaczenski's house and plants a duffel bag inside through the window without her parents noticing. She then calls the house and pretends to be the manager at the Edgewood hotel and called to verify a room for that night, her father responds there must be some mistake, She then says that Heidi made the reservation and she also requested a bottle of champagne and the romance package. Heidi's father says to Lois that she should cancel that reservation angrily calling Heidi downstairs, Heidi wonders what is so important and her dad says she and her boyfriend Scott got a hotel room for the night. Heidi is shocked as well as her parents, she claims she was in her room getting ready for a dance stating she knew nothing about this. Her mother then looks in the duffel bag and finds a bikini and a pack of condoms, all three are horrified, while Lois still hiding outside is enjoying it. Heidi claims the bag isn't hers, her dad then states her and Scott are now through only for Heidi to claim she hates them and runs upstairs crushed. Lois attempts to leave but knocks over a flower pot gaining Heidi's father's attention noticing the presence of someone, Lois then runs out where she bumps into a boy named Jordan on a skateboard, after helping him up. Heidi's dad come out and asks what is going on, fearing for herself she tells him that Jordan was peeking in his window, He is shocked thinking he was a good kid. Jordan tries to explain but he picked the wrong night to mess with him and says he is reporting him to the police. Lois now feels guilty for doing something bad on someone innocent.
Reese is in bed still depressed and Lois comes in and tells him about what she has done and how sorry she is. Reese doesn't understand, Lois then explains she tortured three of the girls who tortured him and that they have a horrible side to them in the family, saying she must of gotten it from Grandma and passed it onto him before apologizing once again. Reese is shocked that his mother went out of her way to do something nice for him and then realizes there is still one left, Lois states she doesn't matter, what really matters is them. Reese understands this and is still letting it go through his head and says that the other girl can't get away with it.
Lois and Reese are then in the van to enact vengeance on the fourth and final girl. Lois states that if Reese thinks he is manipulating her he can think again and that the girl has to realize she can't go around hurting people without there being consequence, this way she will grow up to be a very nice young lady, specifying that this is a one-time thing due to very special circumstances. She then tells Reese to go in the back of the van and fill up balloons with paint. Hal comes outside ready to continue his game only to find his pitching machine is gone.
Lois and Reese have stolen it to put their plan in place, as they prepare to go Malcolm stops them saying he knew he would find them there. Lois compliments him and tells him to move, Malcolm says that it isn't going to happen, Reese then repeats what Lois told him and tells Lois to tell Malcolm what she told him. Lois angrily tells Malcolm to get out of their way, Malcolm only repeats his previous statement. Lois and Reese set up the pitching machine which fires water balloons filled with paint at the last girl named Paula and her boyfriend Matt ruining her dress and her night. Paula is driven to tears telling them to stop. Lois and Reese then drive off contemplating it was a shame it ended so quickly, Lois then suggests that she and Reese could go bowling together sometime, Reese states he would like that. In the back seat Malcolm has been tied up with a rope by Reese and Lois, he then states that this whole scenario was unbelievable and restates that as long as you can rationalize your behavior, you don't have to follow the rules, he then asks if that was the lesson that his mother wanted to teach them. Lois then says that Malcolm shouldn't complain, agreeing that she'll do something with him next week.
- Malcolm does not aside in this episode.
- It is possible the man who betrayed Malcolm in "Academic Octathlon" makes a cameo when Lois and Reese use the pitching machine to sabotage the last girl.