|Season 7, Episode 5|
The neighbor's daughter, Jessica stays with the family & shows Malcolm a thing or two about how to manipulate Lois to get the car. At first, Malcolm enjoys it, but he soon feels really close with her and opens up completely.
Reese decides to ship himself to China to beat up his pen pal, but is really in the garage with Dewey, who makes him think he is going. He later takes advantage of Jessica's Asian boyfriend named Mike to beat Reese up. After Hal kills a hive of bees, the lone survivor follows Hal around looking for revenge.
- Reese: You can bite my American ass, Zhao Lee.
- Dewey: What's up?
- Reese: The school made us adopt pen pals from different countries. I get stuck with this loser from China.
- Dewey: What's wrong with China?
- Reese: It's not what you think, Dewey. He won't send you illegal fireworks or get your nunchucks signed by the Emperor. The guy's a total jerk. It started off with a simple request to apologize for Pearl Harbor. The guy wouldn't do it. I was so pissed.
- Reese: Do you call this clean? I got to say mom, if you're gonna phone it in, why even bother.
- Lois: You just bought yourself two days grounded in your room.
- Reese: Fine. Maybe you could use that time to learn how to roll socks.
- Lois: Make it three days. You want to go for more?
- Reese: No, three's perfect.
- Jessica (to Malcolm): Listen, Monday, I need you to get your mom out of the house for a couple of hours after school. Take her to a chick flick or something. You should enjoy that.
- Malcolm: What for?
- Jessica: My boyfriend's coming over and I'd like to have the house to ourselves, if you know what I mean.
- Malcolm: What?!
- Jessica: Oh, good, you do know what I mean. I wasn't sure with that whole "chasm of loneliness" crap.
- Malcolm: You can't hook up in my house! I've never hooked up in my house!
- (Jessica's boyfriend, Mike opens up the box that Reese is in and Reese crawls out of the box)
- Reese (looking up): Aha! I bet you weren't expecting this, Jao! Now you're gonna experience a good old American ass-whooping! (punches Mike in the leg)
- Mike: Hey, quit it!
- Reese: I don't speak Chinese, jackass! (punches him again)
- Mike: Alright. (repeatedly punches Reese)
- Reese: Dewey, you know nothing about Asian culture, after I humiliate him, I earn respect plus half his land and his sister, if she's hot.
- [After finding out about Dewey keeping Reese in the box, even after she punished the latter for insulting her.]
- Lois: He thinks he is on his way to China, and you've just been torturing him in that box!?
- Dewey: Yeah.
- Lois: Can he breathe in there?
- Dewey: He's still making noises.
- Lois: And he's got food and water?
- Dewey: Yeah.
- [Long silence]
- Lois: Alright..
- Dewey: Ahhhh! Help, I'm being eaten!