|Season 1, Episode 12|
|Air date||April 16, 2000|
|Written by||Dan Kopelman|
|Directed by||Todd Holland|
Reese joins the cheerleading squad to impress a girl he's interested in. Malcolm plays football while the rest of the Krelboynes have a singing session indoors during recess
Reese becomes so head-over-heels for a girl on the cheerleading squad that he actually decides to join. Dewey tries to convince Lois and Hal to buy him a new toy. Francis suffers through a long lecture from Spangler.
- When Spangler gets up from the desk, he has the pipe attached to his fake hand. As he turns, it is in his good gloved hand. He circles around his desk and turns again, and the pipe is back in his fake hand. This all takes place in just a few seconds.
- The Chinese word on Malcolm's white t-shirt means "fruit."
- Commandant Spangler (to Francis): I am very tired off all the things you didn't mean to do. You didn't mean to come in 4 hours after curfew. You didn't mean to replace the morning revelery with a selection from "Trip Hop Wizard," tricky! Maybe I should rename this "Francis' 'I didn't mean to' File!"
- Malcolm: Reese, why are you dressed like that?
- Reese: I figured out what she likes. I started cheering for the football team, so I joined the cheerleading squad.
- Malcolm: Why didn't you join the football team, doofus?!
- Reese: She's a cheerleader!
- Malcolm: Oh, my God, I'm a Krelboyne with a brother who's a cheerleader. I could wet my pants in public and it would be a lateral move.
- Malcolm (to Reese): Are you crying?
- Reese: No, I was reading.
- Malcolm: You don't read.
- Reese: Just shut the door, Krelboyne.
- Malcolm (to Reese): Listen to the words: good, boy, cheerleader. Quit while you still have some dignity.
- Reese: Oh, and let her think I'm a quitter.
- Malcolm: You can't even remember a simple six-step routine.
- Reese: There's six steps?
- Malcolm: Yes. It's just right-left-right-left-reverse-pose.
- Reese: You remember that by just watching?
- Malcolm: You guys did it like 10 times!
- Reese: So, you know my routine?
- Malcolm: It's not that hard.
- Reese: But... you know my routine.
- Malcolm: Yes, I do. Look, I know where this is going...
- Reese: No, you don't. You're going to help me.
- Malcolm: That is where I was going.
- Reese: Oh, good. Let's get started.
- Malcolm: No!
- Commandant Spangler (screaming from his office) My mother was neither a Madonna or a whore! She was a damn fine woman!
- Malcolm (about Reese): I tried talking to him, I gave him advice, I tried reasoning with him, there's only one thing left to do: Sit back and laugh my ass off!
- Reese (to Malcolm): I know what's more embarrasing.
- Malcolm: What?
- Reese: Getting beaten to a coma by a good boy cheerleader.
- [As Malcolm is helping Reese with his cheerleading routine]
- Reese: Stick your arms out! We have to sell this.
- Malcolm: Can you move your hand a little to the left?
- Reese: Spread your legs!
- Malcolm: No!
- Reese: I said spread your legs!
- Malcolm: No!
- Lois (in the kitchen seeing the boys, to Hal): It's time for the talk, Hal.
- Malcolm: I'm not spreading my legs.
- Malcolm (walks into the room and sees Reese tearing up his uniform): What are you doing?
- Reese: What's the point? You heard Dad! I'm doomed!
- Malcolm: You can't quit! I worked too hard for you to quit now!
- Reese: I hate to inform you, brain boy. It's not about you, it's about me!
- Malcolm: That's before I spent an entire day with your hand on my ass!