Series Name
Season 7, Episode 8
Army Buddy
Episode Guide
Malcolm Defends Reese
Army Buddy is the eighth episode of season seven.


When Abby, a former female army buddy of Reese's comes to their house for a visit, Reese starts thinking that she wants to be more than friends with him.

When Lois finds renewed energy with orthotic inserts for her shoes, Hal fears she will not look to him for support anymore and plots to destroy the inserts.

Malcolm gives Dewey a bunch of junk in order to pay off a $10 debt. One of the comics turns out to be rare and worth a lot. Dewey forces Malcolm to do embarrassing things in order to get the money back.


  • It is revealed in this episode that Reese is a virgin.
  • Hal says that he could only find the Japanese version of the washing machine repair manual. However, in the episode "Chad's Sleepover," Lois shows that she saves every scrap of paperwork from all appliances.
  • Abby tells Lois that she loved the story Reese told her about him being made to cut the lawn with manicure scissors. This is actually considered child abuse by today's standards.
  • Abby mentions a possum; this is the fourth time the family has had problems with a possum.
  • Lois tells Hal that she learned that men can get yeast infections. This is actually true.
  • When Dewey is pestering Malcolm by saying "I want my money" over and over again, Malcolm tells him to shut up. Dewey then hits playback on the tape recorder on the desk, which starts playing the same message without needing to be rewound.


Abby (to Lois): I'm Abby Tucker, it's nice to meet you.
Lois: I'm Lois. This is Malcolm.
Abby: Oh, right, Pea Pod. (to Reese) I see what you mean.

Lois: The thing is absolutely nothing is on sale. They take all the stuff off the shelves, dump it in the bins and the people go nuts. I dropped my car keys in one of 'em. I had to wrestle a woman for 20 minutes to get 'em back. Then this 90-year-old man with glaucoma comes in. He wants to pay for his toiletries with a bag full of pennies. We finally settled on five dollars, six buttons, and a run-over bottle cap.

Reese (about Abby): You were right, Malcolm. She wants me bad. This is a disaster.
Malcolm: Why? You've got a girl that's crazy about you.
Reese: She's my buddy. The best friend I've ever had. But in a roll-around-on-the-floor-and-make-her-smell-my-armpit kind of way.
Malcolm: Everyone has their own kind of foreplay. The important thing now is how you feel about her.
Reese: It's hard to say. Now, when I think about her, I get all nervous in my stomach. Like my bowels could cut loose at any moment.
Malcolm: That's love, dude.
Reese: Wow. You'd think somebody would put that in a song.

Lois: I'm sorry. Did you just make a pass at me?
Abby: Ma'am, forgive me.
Lois: Oh, no, no, no, it's not that I'm not flattered, but I'm the mother of, like, five children. I've been married for 100 years. Why would you think.. ?
Abby: I was wrong, ma'am. I was way out of line.
Lois: Do I give off that kind of vibe? Because I would hate to think people are walking around with me giving them false hopes. Would it help if I changed my hair?

Abby (to Reese): I've been waiting to get you alone, you miserable, scum-sucking piece of garbage.
Reese: Short stack, is that you? I don't believe it! What the hell are you doing here, you ugly grub eater?
Abby: I had a few days' leave. Thought I'd spend it with my favorite idiot.

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